In Which I Get Into Fantasy Football
Vasant, on his computer, mutters to himself.
Me: What’s up?
Vasant: I didn’t get the quarterback I wanted for my fantasy league.
Me: Doesn’t FANTASY football imply that you can have whomever you want in your league?
Vasant: No. You compete against all the other teams in the draft. You might not get the player you want.
Me: Offer him more money with your billions of fantasy dollars.
Vasant: It doesn’t work like that.
Me: It’s a fantasy. Of course it works like that. You are the emperor of space and you own a football team. They all have guns for arms, and your QB has a chest cannon. Cheerleaders are made of solid gold, which of course, means they’re robots. Solid gold robots.
Vasant tries to ignore me.
Me: BUT THEN the robots take over the league. Or at least they try to. Your players can fly, so they have the aerial advantage.
Vasant gets up to leave.
Me: WAIT! I have more ideas for your fantasy league!
Afterwards, he made me join his league and now I’m going all Aspergian on player stats. I actually know quite a lot about football, but stayed out of fantasy drafts because I, the Lord of the Rings nerd, think it’s a dumb way to spend your time. I also know I get too competitive and I’m worried about being in a league with people I love. Like worried I might destroy them with my cyborg players.
In other news, everyone in our league has given their teams Lord of the Rings names…